Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz
by Metal Sonic EX
Summary: Two years have passed since the showdown with Metal Spot and now, the baddies are trying to use the newest new guy to their advantage. Again. This fic has a plot like the first fic, but a much thinner one. [Complete]
1. Welcome Back To Video Game Village

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

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Chapter One

Welcome Back To Video Game Village_

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It's been two years since the incident that nearly drove me to insanity. Since then, so many people have arrived that we've needed to remodel the entire place, making it more of an urban hell instead of a rural one. Welcome back to Video Game Village…_

(Two paddles and a ball appear on a black screen. The ball goes past a paddle and that camera pans out, showing Greedy and Warhead playing Pong.)

"Goddamn it!" Warhead begins laughing evilly. "Now I am the Pong champion of the world!" Greedy shakes his head and walks off. "Come on. Let's start the meeting." Within minutes, the entirety of the bad side of town had reassembled in the their newly-built Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Good.

Warhead, who stood a tiny podium, banged a small gavel. When no one quiet down, he threw the gavel at Greedy, who fell over. "Finally, now, Death Adder, if you will…" Death Adder from Golden Axe walked up and pulled out a sheet of paper as Warhead sat down. "To…to…to…di…todi…"

Warhead grew increasingly inpatient until… "Today, asshole!" Death Adder stomped his foot in a very gay manner. "Dammit, you know I can't read." Warhead walked up and looked Death Adder in the face. "The word, dumbass. The word is today."

Death Adder started, then started over. "Today… W…w…wi…" Warhead screamed then began strangling Death Adder. All of the other bosses took five minutes to pry Warhead off of him. "Okay, fine!" Warhead stomped up to the podium and waited for everyone to quiet down. "Today, we gather here to discuss a very important issue: the good guys aren't dead yet!" Everyone in the hall gasped melodramatically.

"Any ideas?" Warhead suddenly looked down, picked something up, and put a Lego version of Darth Vader onto the podium. "Well?" Darth Vader then began making a bunch of hand motions while mumbling. "Care to repeat that… IN ENGLISH!!!"

Warhead screamed so loud that Darth Vader fell apart. His torso picked itself up and slowly reassembled into a full body. "Anyone else?" Jetpacks were heard as four barbers wearing jetpacks slowly drifted down. "What?" The barbers cleared their throats."

"We…"

"Have…"

"An…"

"Idea…"

"So do I. Stop singing."

"There is a new guy in tooooown. And we should take him dooooown."

"Who is this new guy?"

"He calls himseeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf…. Master Chief."

Everyone, even Warhead, gasped. "My God…" Warhead shook his head slowly. "I know. We're pretty fucked." Dr. Nefarious jumped to his feet. "What do you mean?" Everyone turned to him as Warhead stomped up. He looked down at him, then smacked him across the face. "Let me put it this way. He makes Mario look mortal. In other words, in video games, he is God." Nefarious thought about this. "Isn't Mario already mortal."

(The camera changes to a view outside of the Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Good. A loud scream is heard, then clattering followed by frenzied yells. The camera changes again to the inside of a mansion. The doorbell is rung and Rouge walks up.)

"Sonic. Shadow. You're favorite lovechild is here."

"He's not our lovechild, Rouge. He lives 200 years in the future."

"Spare me."

"What do you want, Silver?"

"Well, to say hi. And to come in."

"Yes to the first. No to the second."

"Why not?"

"I'm in the middle of something."

"What?"

Shadow ran down the stairs and aimed a bizarre-looking gun at Sonic. "There you are! Haha! My latest invention, The Rotten Egg Bazooka, has a range of fifteen feet, but the explosion wipes out three square miles!" Sonic gasped. "Egads! I can't stand up against that. Actually, I can."

Sonic pulled out another bizarre-looking gun. "Behold, the Acidic Squirt Gun. Mach Two!!" Shadow gasped. "This calls for a temporary retreat!" Shadow ran up the stairs as Sonic took chase. Rouge sighed and quickly dialed someone. "Yes, Suicide Hotline? Yeah, they're at it again. No, I haven't attempted suicide since…"

Rouge lowered the phone. "Knuckles, when was the last time they did this?" Silver sweatdropped and slowly backed away from the door. As he walked off, he noticed a hole in the wall of the second floor. With every passing second, more of the wall was melted away. Sliver shook his head and walked off.

Meanwhile, Cool Spot and Pac-Man walked through the woods and reached the main gate of Video Game Village. "Well, that was fun." Pac-Man shrugged. "I guess. Though I really don't like World 2." Spot turned to him. "Why not?" Pac-Man shuddered. "Too much cheap, retarded, and just downright not fair crap."

Tifa then ran by in a frenzy. "Cake! Cake! Where the fuck's the cake?!" Spot and Pac-Man looked to the right to see a cake of a large size, just big enough to not be seen. Spot cleared his throat and Tifa spun and smiled. "Ah! Cake!" She picked up the enormous cake and began running away with it.

Spot raised an eyebrow and lowered his sunglasses slightly. "What's up?" Sonic quickly ran up. "Rouge was on the phone with Suicide Hotline (don't know why) and she got another call. The new guy's coming!" Pac-Man shrugged. "So?" Everyone stopped what they were doing as Sonic walked over and smacked Pac-Man. "It's Master Chief!"

A second passed by before it sunk in. "Why are we just standing here?! Run!!" The two quickly join the panicked rush as Master Chief, both Captain Keyes, and that one black guy walked up. "The fuck's going on here?" Trees were on fire, frosting was everywhere, Tifa was holding up the top part of a giant cake, which was falling off, and Billy Hatcher launched himself out of a cannon.

Master Chief cleared his throat and everyone froze. He waved as Tifa waved back, causing the top of the cake to fall onto her. Master Chief walked over and pulled out a bag of something and shoved it into the cake. He then walked up to Solid Snake, whispered in his ear, and was handed a box of something as it appeared out of nowhere. He shoved that into the cake, picked it up, and began walking away with it. "The hell?"

Everyone followed him as he crossed into the bad side of town, put down the cake, walked away, and rang a bell. Elsewhere, things were just calming down in the Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Good when about twelve people heard a bell. "I hear cake!"

Everyone followed the twelve as they flew through the air and landed by the cake. "It's so big!" Warhead looked around it, saw Master Chief wave, then watched as he pushed a button. The grenades and C4 in the cake exploded, sending frosting everywhere. _"Running Riot!"_

Sonic started, then began looking around for the source of the voice. Master Chief tossed the detonator aside and walked back to the group. "That was good cake. Now, I require hospitality." Everyone, who was covered in frosting, all pointed to a mansion that was not-to-far away. "Excellent." He went to walk off, but paused briefly. "It's got cable, right?" Tifa nodded. "Excellent. Er."

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Next time: Everyone gets a bad case of 'Finish Him!'. 


	2. Finish Him!

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

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Chapter Two

Finish Him!

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Warhead was pacing as Max D. Cap from Decap Attack walked in sideways. "I've got it!" Warhead looked up as Max held up a piece of paper. "Yes, that is in fact paper. Aren't you the smart one." Max put down the piece of paper, which had a line drawn down the length of the paper. "You can only walk _and_ write sideways? Wow… I mean, wow…"

Max grumbled as he flipped it over. A very well-drawn plan was on the back. "Of course!" Warhead quickly called a meeting of the bosses and walked up to the podium. "Max has finally proven his worth. He's come up with a plan on how to use Master Chief to our advantage. Shang Tsung, it's time."

Shang Tsung started, then jumped to his feet and took a fighting pose. "Alright, let me at them! I'll poke them with my fiery fingers of doom!" Warhead sighed. "Of course you will. Shut the fuck up and push the button." Shang Tsung pushed a button and the sky on the good side of town turned black.

Tifa looked out of the window and frowned as she saw the sky turn black. "Sky's black." Sephiroth, who was looking over at her turned to Wakka, who was peeking at him over a couch. He held up two fingers and Wakka quickly lowered his head.

Tifa raised an eyebrow as Sephiroth raised the restraining order that Wakka had had issued. It expired in two days. "I've waited two years for this." Tifa shook her head as the room suddenly went black. _Finish him!_ Everyone in the room looked around for the voice as Vincent stepped on a roller-skate and fell down the stairs. _Roller-skate wins! Fatality!_

Everyone remained quickly as Tifa used a Phoenix Down. _Finish him!_ "Thanks." The lamp fell over and hit Vincent in the head, causing him to fall over again. _Lamp wins! Fatality!_ Tifa groaned and used another Phoenix Down. As Vincent sat up, a lion jumped through the window and began mauling Vincent. Tifa kicked it off of him ad looked at it angrily

_Finish it!_ Tifa used Bolt3 and tore through the lion, which disappeared in a series of red polygons. _Tifa wins! Bitchality!_ Tifa looked around suddenly. "Say it to my face, you son of a bitch! Say it to my face!" Tifa turned around and saw both Cloud and Sora looked confuse. "Deep voice. Probably from Mortal Kombat or something…"

Elsewhere, Master Chief was having problems. "The red cord goes in back, buddy." The TV repairman got up and got his stuff. "Fine, fix it yourself, asshole. _Finish him!_ "What?" Master Chief pulled out the Halo pistol, spun it around, pointed it behind the couch and got a head shot without looking. _Master Chief wins! Pwnality!_

Master Chief then pulled out a plasma grenade and stuck it to the TV. It exploded and flew through the roof. At a nearby ABC Warehouse, a clerk was helping two people look for a TV when one broke through the roof, landed on him, exploded, and caused a plasma screen TV to fly through the roof as both Keyes and that black guy walked in with groceries.

"Where's the TV?" Just then, the plasma fell through the roof, landed in the same spot the other one was in, and all of the cords somehow magically attached themselves. "Right there." _What the fuck?_ "What the… Who said that?!" Master Chief shrugged and held out his hand as the new remote fell into it. "Who cares? I've got cable."

Outside, the good guys were meeting. "Okay, what's going on? I'm on the crapper, some voice says…" _Finish him!_ "…and the next thing I know, I'm being mauled by a giant dinosaur with horns!" Pac-Man held up a hand. "That's Hauzer from Red Earth." Pac-Man up and Sonic looked up. "And he's standing right behind you."

Hauzer looked down and Sonic chuckled weakly. "Um… Hi…" Hauzer roared, causing Sonic to pass out due to the smell. "Bad Hauzer! Bad!" Nightmare walked up a shook an accusing finger in Hauzer's face. "You're a bad boy running away from home! Go to your house!" Everyone watched as Hauzer stomped off and entered a doghouse almost twice the size of every other building on the bad side of town.

Nightmare turned around and spoke in a demonic tone when he saw that Siegfried had raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck are you staring at?!" Sonic came to and looked up. "Hey! It's the muffin man." Nightmare's eyes shimmered crimson and he ripped his skin off, becoming Night Terror. "Whoa… Now he's the Pillsbury doughboy."

_Finish him!_ Within a second, Night Terror had KO'd Sonic and held up his body, roaring proudly. Everyone else backed up as Sephiroth walked up. _Night Terror wins! Pwnality!_ "Alright then." Sephiroth drew his sword and pointed it at Night Terror, accidentally poking him in the eye. "Oh! Are you okay? Sorry about that." Sephiroth took a few steps back and aimed the sword at Night Terror. "Now then, let's do this."

_Night Terror wins! Pwnality!_ Night Terror roared as he held up Sephiroth's body, which was bruised in places he didn't even know existed. "Damn. I knew the guy was tough to beat, but damn…" As Sephiroth freed himself of Night Terror's grip and limped off, Sora laughed. "How's it feel to get pwned for once?" _Sephiroth wins! Pwnality!_

Sora fell to the ground, his face smashed in. Tifa held up a stopwatch and Cloud leaned over as she stopped it. "A whole second. It's a new record for how long someone like that's survived. Nice going, Sora." Sora merely gurgled as Night Terror turned back into Nightmare. "Who'd I hurt? Who'd I kill? Did they deserve it?"

Everyone shook their heads and walked off. "I need some information here!!" In the Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Nice, Warhead was looking out of the window. "What's Nightmare doing out there? Why is everyone walking away? Who wants to bet that I can't shoot him from here?"

Greedy quickly took bets as Warhead was handed a sniper. "Okay, line up the… thingies… and… Crap!" Warhead looked at it. "This is too small for me. Here, you do this." He gave the gun to Liquid Snake and he walked up to the window. His aim was shaky, so he opened the left menu and used some Diazepam. By some, I mean about a hundred pills simultaneously. He then simply fell over.

"Something tells me that someone's done that already? Ah, screw it!" Warhead picked up the sniper and began aiming. "Fire!" Warhead shot and missed Nightmare by a mile. Nightmare then became angry. "Was that a bullet?"

Nightmare turned to the bad side of town as a storm formed over him. "Now look what you've done! You've made him angry! No one will like him if he's angry!" Warhead turned to Greedy. "Really? I could've sworn no one liked him in the first place.

Warhead turned around and found Night Terror sitting on the window ledge. "Before you hit me, it should be noted that… Um… Uh… I've got fucking nuke for a head!! Punch me and everything goes 'Poof!'" Greedy raised an eyebrow. "Nukes go 'Poof'?" Warhead pointed to Greedy. "He, however, in completely unprotected."

Sonic came to again and found himself strapped to a table. Shadow stood at the end of the table, smirking. This would be normal if he didn't have a chainsaw. "What's that for?" Shadow slowly began towards Sonic's head. "Have you ever heard of Chainsaw Therapy?" Sonic raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that a chapter of _Death Bologna_?" Shadow paused briefly. "What?"

Shadow shook his head and walked up to Sonic's head. He revved the chainsaw and raised his eyebrows. "It's for cutting." Sonic screamed seconds before Shadow smacked him. "Don't be a dumbass." Shadow put down the chainsaw and walked out of the room. "Um… Okay…"

Downstairs, Shadow found Dante waiting on the couch. "Try not to make the decapitation to visible." Dante dunked his hand, jumped over the couch, and ran up the stairs. Shadow simply sat down as screams were heard upstairs. Shadow sat on the couch next to Rouge, who was watching something. "Whatcha watching?" Rouge blinked. "Beethoven."

On the bad side of town, Nightmare came to and his hands were wrapped firmly around Greedy's neck, noticeable by his blue face. "Sorry!" He let go and Greedy inhaled deeply. Warhead handed five bucks to Death Adder. "Bastard. Could've sworn that he was going to die this time. Though he did last ten minutes without oxygen."

Suddenly, someone flew through the wall in a blue, fiery spiral. "Cut the theatrics, Bison. Now one cares." Bison stood up and flexed his muscles as a high-pitched voice yelled 'It's Mr. Beefcakes!' Bison lowered his arms and looked around. "Who said that?" Warhead shrugged. "Dunno. They're probably gay, though."

Suddenly, Warhead started. "Wait! Nightmare, you're part of The Reinforcements! What are you doing here?" Nightmare laughed, then grabbed a zipper in his head. "I am NOT Nightmare! I am…" He unzipped the costume and it fell around him. Everyone gasped and Warhead pointed at him.

"Herman, the pissed-off midget! You're like Bigfoot! Or the Chupacabra! Or the unicorn! Or some kind of government-created hellspawn mixing all of three together in one disgusting creature! No one knows if you exist or not!" Herman laughed an evil midget laugh.

"Yes, it is I, Herman. I am the last of my kind. I am part of crytozoology. I reside in North American regions. My natural habitat is a hotdog stand in Philadelphia. My appetite consists of unicorns, Bigfoot, the Chupacabra, and the occasional Keebler elf. I usually hunt in packs. And I… don't… like… Green Day! They fucking suck!"

Everyone muttered in agreement. "Yeah, they suck as people. They suck as singers." Max raised a hand. "They suck at prostitution." Everyone stopped talking and turned to face him as Warhead smacked him across the face. "Come on. Say something stupid so I can smack you again."

Max shook his head and Warhead smacked him again. "That's for not doing what I say." Warhead turned around. "So, Herman. Why are you here?" Herman cleared his throat. "I am here with some friends who have apparently been here before. They were promised donuts."

Suddenly, Lex Loath kicked down the door. "Oh, fuck off! How many donuts did you scarf down in the last fic?" Suddenly, on of the walls fell over and cracked. "Now look what you did! You made me break the fourth wall!" Greedy started. "Why'd we number the walls anyways?" Warhead started and looked at the different walls which had a number painted on them. "That's actually a good question."

Elsewhere, trouble was brewing. "Oh… My… God…" Vent from Megaman ZX had just walked in while the Zeros were conversing and everyone suddenly turned to him. "What?" He looked down and noticed the he was using the Model Z Live Metal. "There's a third…" MMX Zero turned to MMZ Zero. "Shall we?" MMZ Zero nodded and they both ran up to him.

"Hi there… Vent was it? We are here to tell you that you're joining the two of us in the Blonde Rebellion." MMZ Zero dropped to his knees and threw his hands into the air. "Damn you, United States government system!!" MMX Zero turned back to Vent. "Should you refuse…" He drew his saber. "Catch my drift?" Girouette walked up and looked at the Zeros. "Yes?" MMX Zero's eyes grew wide.

"My God… Zero!"

"Yes, Zero?"

"Tell Zero here to ring the bell!"

"Ring the bell, Zero!"

"What bell?"

"Zero!"

"Yes, Zero?"

"He knows not of the bell! Ring it yourself!"

"As you command, Zero!"

MMZ Zero ran over and pulled an alarm. _"This is a poser alert. Poser alert. Poser alert."_ Girouette looked around. "A poser?" Both Zeros drew their sabers and slowly crept up to him. "Be gone, poser scum!" They jumped onto him as everyone shook their heads. _The Zeros win! Posality!_

Suddenly, the sky outside grew blue again. "Shang Tsung!" Warhead stomped up to Shang Tsung, who had unplugged a weird-looking machine to plug in a toaster. "I can't start the day without toast." Warhead reached for his neck, but Greedy and Death Adder pulled him back. "That's the Fatality Machine. And it's five in the fucking afternoon!"

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Next time: The entirety of Video Game Village makes references to other games. 


	3. How Many References Can You Spot?

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

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Chapter Three

How Many References Can You Spot?

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After beating Shang Tsang to a bloody pulp, then punching his top half off, Warhead washed his hands. "I've got retard on my hands. Can't stand that." He turned off the faucet and dried his hands off. "Okay, now, to the issue of Master Chief."

Greedy raised his hand. "Someone who's not a retard." Greedy kept his hand up. "Please." Greedy began swinging his arm around. "I'm begging you. Don't make me call on the idiot." When no one raised their hand, Warhead sighed. "Fine. What's the retard have to say?"

Greedy spoke one word and made everyone freeze up. "The Colossi!" Okay, so that's two words, but the second one got them to freeze. "Greedy, need I remind that they are not forces to be fucked with?" Greedy shrugged. "Just get one."

Suddenly, Sigma broke down the door as a lightning struck in the background. "Cut the theatrics." Sigma ripped of his clothes and the sky became blue again. Sigma was now partly completed. Over two years, no one had wanted to finish him completely. "One. One. Zero. One. One. Zero. Zero. One."

Warhead spun to Dr. Nefarious. "Translation!" Nefarious thought for a second. "I'm a stupid asshole!" Warhead shrugged. "Good enough. Now, who votes for the Colossi plan?" Everyone reluctantly raised their hands. "Fine. I shall now summon… a Colossus!"

Warhead pushed a button and a foot suddenly crashed down outside. Everyone looked outside as the third Colossus looked down at them. "Good. Now, to the garage!" A large line appeared out of nowhere and crossed over the group, teleporting them to some kind of underground cave.

"Alright! To the high-powered rocket cars!" Suddenly, a cat with a castle for a head ran by. "Um… Okay…" Suddenly, the cars spontaneously exploded. "Agh! Fine! To the slightly slower Indy racers!" Suddenly, a grenade fell from nowhere and caused the cars to explode.

"The Ferraris!" Suddenly, Cats appeared and began laughing. "How are you gentlemen? All your Ferraris are belong to me!" Warhead started. "What you say?!" Cats laughed as the vanished. "You have no chance to succeed make your time. Hahaha!" Cats disappeared and Warhead growled.

_-Two hours later…-_

"AGH!! It's some kind of government conspiracy!" Greedy poked his head over Warhead's shoulder. "Like the time that little yellow alien landed and began killing the FBI?" Warhead punched him in the face. "Yes, like that. That was on everyone news source for weeks."

_-Two more hours later…-_

"I give up… What do we have left?" Greedy pointed to four go-carts. "Of course! But we'll have to split up in pairs. Death Adder, you're with me!" The two large characters scrunched into one go-cart, one in front driving, the other in back for attacking."

Bison hopped into one and Dr. Nefarious climbed on as well. Next, Darth Vader got into a go-cart and the Colossus got onto the back of it after much difficulty. Finally, the barbershop quartet squeezed into the front seat while Herman got onto the back.

"Three. Two. One. Go!" Three go-carts took off flying, but the fourth slowly drove along as Darth Vader spewed a torrent of Lego cursing. Elsewhere, Sonic and a few of his friends had gathered by four go-carts. "Well, it's about that time that the baddies go through with some kind of retarded plan. So, I've called you here because… Ah! What are you doing here, Mario?!"

Mario posed. "I'm-a gonna win!" Jak shook his head and climbed into a go-cart. Ratchet jumped on the back as Spot and Pac-Man took up another one. For some reason, Ico and Yorda were, for some reason or another, already in the third. Ico simply waved a Sonic slowly turned to Mario.

"I've-a done this before!" Sonic started, then jumped in the driver's seat of the fourth cart. "Haha! I've got myself an experienced shell thrower, despite the fact that he's an infidel." Mario grumbled as he got onto the back and all four carts drove up to a line.

The baddies drove up and they took the standard racing game starting positions. Everyone turned back as the Colossus waved innocently. Yorda, being a retard, waved back. "Three…" The engines revved up. "Two…" Warhead lit a match. "One…" He lit a cigarette, handing it to Death Adder, then threw the match into the gas tank. "Go!" Warhead's cart blasted away at high speed, as did Sonic's. Everyone else's took off at a normal pace save the Colossus cart.

Ico quickly jumped to the back of the cart, but Yorda was busy looking at a bird, causing them to crash into a tree. Ico sat up and turned to Yorda. "I hate you…" The Colossus swapped places with Darth Vader and the cart immediately sped up. The Colossus summoned its' hammer and crushed the cart that Ico and Yorda had abandoned.

Elsewhere, Ratchet was firing the RYNO at Warhead, who held up his hand. "Get a shell, dammit!" Death Adder grabbed a red turtle shell and threw it blindly. Tifa was outside in a hammock watched Wakka freak out as Sephiroth stared. "I hope you die." Suddenly, a red turtle shell came out of nowhere and hit Wakka in the head, knocking him out. Sephiroth dunked his hand and began dancing around.

Elsewhere, Bison swapped with Nefarious, who stopped at a stop sign. "Go, you moron!" Nefarious began ridiculously angry all of a sudden. "I've got to obey all of the traffic laws or I'll…" Suddenly, he froze up and a scene from a drama was played. Bison smacked Nefarious across the face before he continued. "…get a ticket!!" Nefarious turned around and sped off as the light turned green.

As they sped by, Baldo and Baby-Lon were driving along madly. "Watch out! Turn left! Right! Left! Right!" Baldo shot a nasty look at Baby-Lon. "Shut up, you! All I know how to do is two things: use a gun…" He pulled a gun from the compartent, cocked it, and put it back. "…and dance! Giggity giggity! Giggity goo!"

Sonic, who was in the lead, passed the line and went onto his second lap. "For some reason, this makes me think of my old friend Garlen and his apprentice Milo. They're armadillos." Mario shrugged. "How ya doing so far?" Sonic glanced behind him to see Mario hold up a red turtle shell bazooka. "Nice."

The cart with Darth Vader and the Colossus had just broken down due to the weight, so the Colossus put down his hammer, walked behind the Final Fantasy mansion, and began taking a wizz. As Wakka came to, Sephiroth stopped dancing and looked at him again. Wakka followed the stream of yellowish liquid to Sephiroth's head, then began laughing. "What's so funny?"

Sephiroth turned around and was promptly peed on. "I'm gonna fucking kill you!" As Sonic entered his last lap, the rest of the baddies came up on his rear end. "Fire the bazooka!" Mario held up the bazooka. "Firing bazooka!"

With every shot, the carts would spin around briefly. Finally, just as Sonic won, Sephiroth stabbed the Colossus in his magic rune and the Colossus fell. "AGH!!" Right on Warhead, Death Adder, Bison, and Nefarious. Sonic spun to a stop, then looked at them. "That works too." Jak whistled and motioned towards a party that had appeared out of nowhere. "Let's go and celebrate the pwnage of the baddies!"

An hour later, Warhead busted down the door and grabbed Greedy's neck. "My fist wants a word with your face." After another stress-relieving beating up, Warhead sighed. "Okay, any new ideas?" The Queen from Ico spoke in a jumble of unintelligible words. "Isn't that the immigration office behind you?"

Greedy looked up, then turned to Greedy. "There's nothing over there." Greedy was punched in the face as Warhead turned to Eggman. "Do you see the immigration office?" Eggman cowered in fear. "Yes! Please, don't hurt!"

The Queen suddenly jumped into a pickup and drove off. "Damn immigrants. Now, anyone else?" Just then, Shadow floated over the building. "So this is ecstasy? Wow… It's like a big, white woman person… And look at all the little white things coming to say hi. HI, little white things."

Seconds later, Shadow fell to the ground and Warhead shook his head. "Like I said, any ideas?" At the Sonic household, Tails was currently not feeling well. Everyone just assumed that it was the ninja star in his face. "Hello, doctor? Yeah. Okay. Sounds good." Sonic hung up the phone. "Well, the doctor will be right…"

Sonic turned around to face a doctor in a ninja mask. "Over!!" Sonic, startled, flipped over the couch. "Time is of the essence, so I'll make this quick. Hmmm." The doctor looked at Tails' face. "Yep, it's definitely shurikeninthefaceitis."

Rouge raised an eyebrow. "So?" The doctor cleared his throat. "I want you to administer as much pain into his weak sensitive genitals at least twice an hour. The shuriken should pop right out, but don't stop until he fully-recovers. And now, I leave you." He threw a smoke bomb at the floor and disappeared.

Knuckles cracked his knuckles and walked towards Tails. "I like that guy. What was his name?" Sonic stood up and brushed himself off. "McNinja or something like that." Outside, an epic battle between the helicopter from Urban Strike and the helicopter from Thunder Blade were battling it out, but now one noticed.

Meanwhile, a shadowy figure snuck up behind Tifa and tapped her shoulder. She turned around and looked up as the Burger King king made a silver platter with a burger appear. She looked at him for a second before punching him in the stomach. As he fell over, Tifa walked off. "Stupid Burger King."

Just then, Cloud walked in. "So, how many is that?" Tifa counted quickly in her head. "About eleven." Se then turned to the camera. "How many can you find?" Cloud raised an eyebrow. "Who are you talking to?" Tifa shrugged. "No one. Just felt like saying that."

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Next time: The German Bunnies of Doom return. 


	4. Heil, Himpler

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

By: Metal Sonic EX

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

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Chapter Four

'Heil, Himpler!'

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After the super-crappy ten-reference chapter, MSX decided to sleep for a while. "Snore. Snore. Snore. I'm up!" Now, with his energy replenished, he proceeded to make the entire village's lives hell. "Ah, what a great… Whoa!" Billy Hatcher walked outside of his house and found himself on a floating platform in the middle of hell. _'No… Too satanic…'_ "What the… Who's there?!"

A flash of light occurred and found himself back in the village. "Um… Okay…" The ground began rumbling and every looked out of their windows as a car with a swastika painted on the side whizzed by. "Heil, Himpler!" Billy raised an eyebrow and ran off. Just then, the baddies decided to do the most devious thing they'd ever thought of.

"Let's make a card house!"

"Shut up, Greedy."

"Buy me doughnuts!"

"Shut up, Loath."

"11010100101000010101."

"Shut down, Sigma."

Warhead sighed. "Anyone else got any devious plots?" A Grunt raised his hand. "Yes?" It spoke in an alien language, which The Queen translated to Greedy, which Greedy translated to everyone else. "Join their forces with your basic enemies, he says."

"Number one. Stop turning into Vader. Number two. We've tried that before. Number three. Shut up." Herman raised his hand. "I, using my mystical otherworldly powers, can transform into my alter ego…" Herman quickly tied a towel around his neck. "Ninja Person!!"

The baddies gasped. "My God! I can't tell that it's not Herman!" Ninja Person laughed evilly. "Now, using my swift, magical, and otherworldly ninja powers, I'll…" Just then, a car with a swastika plowed through the wall. "Aren't Nazis extinct yet?"

Pink bunnies jumped out of them and Warhead groaned. "Oh… You…" One of the German, Chainsaw-Juggling Bunnies Of Doom, one which had a Hitler 'stache and a horrible combover, jumped out of the car. "You there. Remove your wall from our Nazimobile."

Warhead stood up and raised his foot. "How 'bout you remove your guts from my foot?" He stomped down, but the bunny appeared next to his foot. "I am Himpler." He paused while the remaining bunnies Nazi-saluted while saying, 'Heil, Himpler!'

"I have learned that you promised me and my fellow bunnies a certain… something before…" Herman chuckled. "Told you." Warhead started. "Herman, where'd you come from?" Herman laughed. "You'll never know. No one will ever know."

Elsewhere, the door that held the outside of Spot's house from the inside of it was knocked on and Yoshimitsu appeared suddenly. "Knock on wood!" He proceeded to do the attack, then ran off giggling. "Spot opened the door and watched Yoshimitsu. "Weird…"

After explaining, Spot looked at Pac-Man. "I'll do it." Spot took a megaphone that had conveniently appeared on a nearby coffee table and he crawled to the top of the house. He put the megaphone by his butt and farted, making it echo throughout the village. Suddenly, everyone began scrambling for their lives. As Spot reentered his house, he smirked. "I've never been that good at shouting, so I've needed to find… alternate methods."

In a certain house, a certain somebody was _still_ holding the remote while _still_ watching TV while _still_ wanting chips. "Yo, Chief? You hear that guy fart? That's supposed to be the bad guy alarm. Let's move!" Sergeant Johnson, formerly 'that black guy'… "I heard that!" …ran downstairs with the other two who Metal Sonic EX has forgotten. "What?!"

MSX paused the fic briefly to smack himself upside the head, then proceeded to replace the two characters with the Spartans known as Sam and Kelly. _'Chief, I think you'd better get a gun.'_ Master Chief pulled the footrest lever and an arsenal of miscellaneous guns popped out from under the chair. "Way ahead of you."

He grabbed a sniper rifle and loaded it. _'Okay, let's move.'_ Master Chief scooted the seat a centimeter to the right and continued flipping the channels. _'I believe that what we have here is a failure to communicate…'_ Just then, the Nazimobile drove up and the bunnies, dressed in Nazi uniforms, quickly saluted Himpler. "Watch this."

Master Chief, keeping his face glued to the TV screen, pointed the sniper rifle out of the window and, in four shots, killed several bunnies and Old Yeller, all with headshots. "Yeller! No!!" _'That was wrong, Chief. How could you do that?'_

"Easy, I fight the Covenant. They talk like dogs. Now, watch this." He pulled out a plasma grenade, activated it, and threw it onto a passing cat. The grenade and they cat flew into the air. It landed on a silver tray, launching a large bag of potato chips into his hand. "Skittles and bits."

Outside, the German bunnies of doom pulled out their chainsaws and revved them up. Just then, the guy from Resident Evil 4 ran up and revved up his chainsaw. "Greetings, my furry companions. I am Chainsaw Charlie." The bunnies exchanged. "Oops… I mean…" He roared, then revved up his chainsaw before wildly swinging it around.

"He is very veird, no?" The bunnies turned around to see Dr. Fookenheimer, their weapons analyst. A little bunny ran up and handed a pistol to him. "Ah, des is te problem." Dr. Fookenheimer smacked the bunny across the face. "Da shaftee is shtill on, you bumbling bumbler! Now go and do shometing useful for a change." The bunny ran off as he patted his hands together. "As is vell again."

"Vienerschnitzel!" The bunnies snapped to attention as a man fell down in front of them and exploded. "It's vaining men!" The bunnies suddenly broke into a dance number as a flashback occurred.

-Flashbach-

_'God dammit, Chief! Get out of this chair now!"_ Master Chief pulled Cortana out of his head and put her into the remote. Her holographic form appeared. "I've got a spare remote. Merry Christmas." Chief tossed the remote away and pulled out another one. _'Chief…'_

Master Chief sighed, then shot a hole in the roof. He grabbed a Brute Shot and fired it out of the hole. It flew through the atmosphere, then reflected off of a satellite. It then burned to the size of a dime and zipped right into the stomach of a man.

He shrugged, then strutted into the way of a cannon and was launched into the air with by a cannonball. He flies through the air, then landed in front of the bunnies where the Brute Shot grenade exploded.

-End Flashbach-

Suddenly, Himpler stopped the dance number, then sniffed the air. "I smell infidel! To the Nazimobile!" All of the bunnies quickly climbed in and drove off, leaving the baddies confused. "They didn't do a Goddamned thing! What the hell?" Suddenly, chuckling was heard. "Perhaps we can be of assistance." The sound of wooden shoes echoed throughout the base. "I'd recognize that noise anywhere. It's…"

* * *

Next time: The Dutch Cocktail-Juggling Badgers return. 


	5. It's A Badger, Badger Kinda Day

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

By: Metal Sonic EX

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

* * *

Chapter Five

It's A Badger, Badger Kinda Day!

* * *

"It's Clyde!" Everyone turned around to see a hobo with wooden shoes on his hands. "How's those get there?" He threw of the shoes and reached out his hand. "Spare some change?" Seconds later, Clyde was booted out of the building, then brought back in to be booted out again.

"I smell cheese." Clyde wandered off and soon came across Ico and Yorda eating watermelon. "Close enough." Ico took a giant bite out of his slice, looked towards Yorda, turned back, then double-taked. Clyde was sitting next to Yorda scarfing down watermelon. "Ah, hobo!" Clyde looked up. "Ah, horned demon!" Clyde grabbed the 2X4 and pointed it at Ico.

"I'm gonna finish my watermelon now. And you're not gonna stop me." Ico stepped towards him and Clyde cocked the stick like a shotgun. "Don't try it." In the Sonic residence, Silver was snoring away in a chair with a sock stuffed in his mouth when a gunshot was heard followed by a 'My watermelon! Nooooooo!!"

Silver started and began gagging on the sock. Everyone turned to him as he began turning blue, then everyone turned back to the TV as Sonic walked in. "That's not gonna make you cooler, Silver. What's on?" Rouge blinked and turned up the volume. "Beethoven's 2nd."

Clyde was mourning the loss of his watermelon through unnatural circumstances when suddenly, a loud 'Daa!' was heard. Everyone who was outside turned to town square as a bunch of purple, Dutch, cocktail juggling badgers parachuted down. "Executed Plan Badger!!" The leader danced for a second or two in his wooden shoes as another badger pushed a button. A beat began playing from nowhere in particular. "Do it… Now!"

Sonic walked outside with the others just as badgers began spontaneously appearing. "Hey, look! It's a badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger…" Billy Hatcher suddenly appeared out of nowhere holding a mushroom. "Mushroom! Mushroom!"

"More badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers…"

"Mushroom! Mushroom!"

"Even more badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers…"

Suddenly, Snake Man appeared and Megaman flipped out. "Agh! Snake! Snake! It's a snake!" This whole process repeated for the next few hours while Master Chief sat in his chair watching TV. "See that, Cortana? The crazy flu is going around. I'd better not take off my armor." Cortana sighed. "Chief, you never take off your armor." Master Chief changed the channel. "I'm off to a great start."

Meanwhile, in the Grand Hall Of Doing-All-Things Not-Good, the baddies were wondering what the hell was going on. "What the hell is going on?" Herman looked outside and raised an eyebrow. "What do you see?" Herman frowned. "I see badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers…"

Greedy gasped. "Any mushrooms?!" Herman looked closer. "Two. Wait! There's more badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers…" Within seconds, the entirety of Video Game Village was caught in the Badger Badger curse. Except one kid. One kid who could not be beaten. One kid known as…

"Frank!!" Um… No… I meant… Kid Chameleon! Out of nowhere, Kid Chameleon faded into existence, then turned into Red Stealth. "En garde!" Within seconds, Kid Chameleon had slashed through all of the badgers. "Foolish mortal…"

Suddenly, Sonic started. "Hey, look! It's a zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie… Mummy! Mummy! Zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie zombie…." Kid Chameleon smacked his head, then turned into Maniaxe.

"Die!" Kid Chameleon started, realizing what happened when he said that. He then flew off of the ground and flew out of existence. "There goes Kid…" Chief changed the channel again. _'Well…'_ Chief sighed and pulled out the Plagas Laser. "Stole this from Leon." He held it into the air and fired it. All at once, the zombies exploded.

"Hey, look…" Chief spun to look outside the window. "Now what?!" He then noticed the German bunnies of Doom. "Oh…" Sonic giggled. "It's a Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi… Himpler! Himpler! Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi… Himpler! Himpler! Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi…"

At that moment, the Master Chief used the prototype Spartan laser and blasted everything to hell. "That shut them up. Everyone lost a lvie and respawned seconds later. "…Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi… Himpler! Himpler!"

Master Chief roared in anger and began firing the Spartan laser wildly. _'Get out of the chair and do something then!'_ Master Chief clutched the armrests. "I… will not… get out… of this chair…" He picked up the chair and walked outside with his butt still in the chair. He fired a Spartan laser into the sky, then quickly ran inside.

'_Um…'_ Master Chief pushed a big red button on his remote and the entire house was covered in titanium. Just then, a massive laser came down and blasted Video Game Village out of existence. _Kilimanjaro!_

'_Flashy, but that was pretty pointless.'_

"Nonsense."

Master Chief pushed another button and the entire world flipped over, revealing a brand new Video Game Village. Then, he sighed sadly. "I'd better be rewarded for this." Master Chief slowly, and very melodramatically, stood up. He sighed again and walked outside as everyone respawned. "Yo, the Master Chief's outsi…"

A red flash occurred and Master Chief put away the little device. _'Did you steal that from the Men In Black set?'_ Master Chief chuckled, then cleared his throat. "Greetings. I am Master Chief. In video games, I am God. More so than Mario. I have a drinking problem. My favorite color is teal. I like kittens. Don't fuck with me. That is all."

He turned, then walked off as the stun wore off. "What were we just doing? And why does it feel like we've forgotten about something?" On the bad side of town… Well, there's the problem… Nothing's there anymore. So, I guess this ends the fic… Not really but… Ah, screw it…

* * *

Next time: Prepare to fall over and die from all of the excitement! 


	6. Nothing Happens In This Chapter

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

By: Metal Sonic EX

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

* * *

Chapter Six

Nothing Happens In This Chapter

* * *

(Sonic and Shadow are sitting at opposite ends of a coffee table.)

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"So… This is a pretty boring day, huh?"

"Yep."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You know, we should probably do something."

"You're right."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

-And now, an exciting plot twist!-

(Greedy puts a card on a house of cards, but it falls over.)

"Aw…"

-Now, back to the action!-

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"There they are all standing in a row…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Big ones… Small ones… Some as big as your head…'

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Get cancer, please…"

-And now, another exciting plot twist!-

(Warhead roars as he punches Sigma's head through a wall.)

-Back to the action! Again!-

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Could you repeat that?"

"I said '…'"

"Oh…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Whatcha guys doin'?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, nothing."

"Can I join?"

"Sure."

"Fine with me."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"This is boring…"

"Yep…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"It's just one of those days…"

-Ready for some more action?-

(Sonic farts.)

-Alright! Back to the story!-

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Ew…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Yeah… Ew…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

-Here's another plot twist!-

(Classic Roll runs up.)

"Panties!!"

-Back to the -gunshot- Ah! My chest… My bloody chest!-

"Yeah! I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"

"Go away. We're wasting time here."

"Oh… Sorry… Funky mustard looking mother…"

"And no swearing."

"Man, screw you!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Man, that was weird…"

"Yeah…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Dude, this like, a complete waste of time…"

"Yep…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

-Plot… twist…-

"Booger!"

-End… plot… twist…-

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"This is an absolutely, ridiculous, absolutely unnecessary waste of someone's time."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Yep…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Absolutely unnecessary…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Waste of time…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Yep…"

-Another… plot… twist… Help me… please…-

"Dude, if I want your help, I'll go get a fucking strategy guide."

-Blood.. draining… from body… can't… survive… much…-

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I think the narrator's dead."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

-…-

"Yep…"

-…-

"Hello?"

-…-

"Definitely dead.'

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Bummer."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Yep."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I'm bored…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Me too."

"Are you talking to yourself?"

"…"

"Yep."

"Weird…"

"Yep."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I'm gonna shoot the next person who says 'Yep.'"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Yep…"

(A gunshot rings out and Silver falls onto the ground.)

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Didn't see that coming…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Nope…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"How 'bout you?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Nope."

-…-

(MSX walks up.)

"If you've read this far, you're one of two things. Either you're fucking retarded or… Actually, there's just one thing. Anyways, thanks for reading this far. Your reward? Me wasting another five seconds of your life!"

-…-

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I'm going to bed."

"Me too."

(Sonic and Shadow get up and leave.)

"……………………..help…"

(A.N. Three-hundred chapters! Woot!!)

* * *

Next time: Things get serious again. Or maybe not. Maybe nothing happens in the next chapter. Or the chapter after that. You might never know! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!! 


	7. Back To The Action

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

By: Metal Sonic EX

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

* * *

Chapter Seven

Back To The Action

* * *

(The scene changes to the interior of the Grand Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Good.) 

Greedy - Where are…

(A.N. Whoops. Wrong format.)

"…we?" Greedy looked outside and nearly got his face taken off by a semi. "What the hell?" Warhead looked out the window and everyone began running away. "Is this the real world?" Lex Loath popped in carrying bundles of money. "No! Stay back! It's my money! My money!"

Warhead punched Lex out, then tossed the money outside. "We're not even here for five minutes and you've already robbed a bank." Greedy looked around nervously. "What?" Greedy chuckled weakly. "I… uh… tinkled in the pool… Out there…" Warhead walked up to Greedy. "You mean to tell me that you went outside and peed in a pool?"

Greedy nodded slowly. "Meh. You do it anyways." Warhead stood up and looked around. "Now, how do we get back?" Eggman chuckled. "I have a way, but it'll cost you." Warhead threw up his hands. "It will come out of our budget and go right into your budget, which is our budget!" Eggman pondered this. "Good point. Chaos Control!" He held up an emerald and the hall vanished.

"My douchebag senses are tingling!" Some jumped up on a table and began scratching his nuts. "I smell violence!" The judge leaned forward. "Bailiff, will you please so the prosecutor his seat." A hall spontaneously appeared in the middle of the room and the man struck a triumphant pose! "My douchebag senses are never wrong!" The man ran to the side of the hall and grabbed onto the wall as Warhead poked his head out the window.

"Douchebag? Is that damn Duck Hunt dog here? Little bastard still has it coming." Eggman used Chaos Control again and the hall disappeared. "Seeing as the prosecutor has left the building, I have no choice but to find you innocent on all counts." The teenager boy stood up. "Yes! It's GTA time!"

Back in Video Game Village, the hall reappeared in its' normal spot. "Okay, we're back. Now what?" Just then, a mysterious caped man in a Speedo jumped in through the window. "Halt, violent-doers!" Warhead looked at Eggman. "Violent-doers? Who's the nutjob?"

The man struck a homosexual pose. "I am The Douchebagger, with the power to spread bullshit rumors around about video games like you!" Warhead whistled and Herman appeared. "This is Herman. He's a pissed off midget. Sick 'em, Herman." Herman gave forth a battle cry and lunged at him. "Eggman? Was that courthouse he warped to in Florida?"

Eggman looked at a random machine he pulled out of his back pocket. "Yeah. Why?" Warhead then turned to the caped man who was effortlessly avoiding Herman's attacks. "Shit…" Elsewhere, there was more bad news. "Sephiroth… Don't forget… Two hundred feet…" Sephiroth was in a sprinter's pose as Wakka sat in a chair. "What are ya doing?"

Sephiroth pointed the calendar, then the clock. Tifa started, then turned to Cloud. "Where's your sword?" Cloud leaned over. "At the cleaners." Tifa raised an eyebrow, then turned to the clock as it became 2:00 P.M. "It's time for the Dr. Death show, bitch!!" Wakka cried out and made a dash for the door as Sephiroth cut the chair in half. "it'll take at least a week for it to get renewed! So, run, bitch! Run!!"

Ryu, who was sparring with Ken, paused and turned to the Final Fantasy mansion as Wakka ran outside. "Run, bitch! Ruuuuuuuun!" Sephiroth came out seconds later. Wakka looked behind, cried out, then turned around only to run in Ken's fist. "Bam! Knocked your ass out, biiiitch!!" Sephiroth simply blinked, then looked at Ken with a look that killed him on the inside. "Five… Four…" Ken took a few steps back. "Three! Two!" Ken made a run for it. "One! You're dead, bitch!!"

Tifa and Cloud ran outside as they saw Sephiroth start chasing Ken. "What just happened?" Elsewhere, Herman began chasing The Douchebagger. "Hahaha! You are no match for my knowledge in the art of Blasphemer!" Just then, Ken ran by and Sephiroth followed shortly after. "Violence! I'm… off!" The Douchebagger began running in the other direction as Herman passed out due to exhaustion.

Elsewhere still, someone knocked on Mario's door. Sonic stood there, grabbed Sonic, and pulled him up to his face. "I don't like you, but the baddies have messed up big time. We need your help." Sonic ran off and stopped in town square where the majority of the entire village was having a meeting. "Blame Eggman. He's the one who warped us to Florida!"

Everyone grew silent as they turned to Eggman. "Florida?" Herman walked up and caught his breath. "He's too strong! My pissed-off-ness wasn't enough to conquer…" Lightning struck as The Douchebagger appeared on a nearby rooftop. He ripped off his costume and laughed.

"It is I, Jack Thompson!!" Jack Thompson began laughing evilly as everyone glared at Eggman. "Now, I shall spread the word of blasphemy across this village until nothing is left! The world will now realize the evil of video games! This world will be mine! All mine! All mine!"

(A.N. Insert unnecessary intermission.)

Warhead - Go get some popcorn. I command you to!

Sonic - I'd get a ice cold soda super fast if I were you.

Jack Thompson - I'm a douchebag! And these Skittles are really good.

Herman - Fuck you and your Milk Duds too.

Clyde - Spare some change… for an ICEE…

(A.N. End unnecessary intermission.)

Sonic zipped up to Thompson and pushed him off the roof. "Ha! Foolish hedgehog! I am immune to the laws of physics!" Jack simply floated the ground before blasting through the crowd. "Death to the violent-doers!!" Just then, a plane flew overhead.

"I really hate these guys…"

"So do I, but they're desperate."

"They're always desperate?"

"They've got a big problem."

"What? Their toilet's clogged?"

"Worse. Thompson."

"…"

"Well?"

"Let's kick some douchebag ass!"

Copy X, Reapermon, and Juno jumped out of the plane. "It's the reinforcements!" Warhead sighed. "Finally." Then, Lord Saddler and Nightmare also jumped out, followed by Shiva and Organization XIII. "Yeah! Gonna kick some ass with my bigass tomahawk!" Larxene turned to Lexaeus. "Tomahawk? It looks like a freaking axe?" He smirked. "It might be!"

When everyone landed, Eggman gasped. "Look! Up in the sky!" Sonic glanced up. "Is it a bird?" Mario also looked up. "Is it a plane?" Klonoa looked up as well. "No, it's… a really big head…" Headdy Metal slowly drifted down to the ground.

"Alright, Thompson! Your time just ran out!" Thompson laughed maniacally. "Hahaha! You are wrong, dickface! My time has just begun!" Warhead raised an eyebrow. "That made no sense…" Warhead grabbed his head. "I'm confused…" Warhead thrust a finger at Thompson. "So I'll kick your ass!!"

* * *

Next time: The battle of the century takes place. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

By: Metal Sonic EX

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

* * *

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

* * *

Jack turned around and bent over. "Here it is!" Warhead roared and charged towards him. He swung his foot at Thompson justt as Jack moved his ass away. Warhead fell onto his back and he looked at him. "Did you just pull a Peanuts?" Jack laughed evilly. "Hahaha! Peanuts is right! Right in your face!" Warhead began crying out as Thompson's swollen genitalia slowly drifted onto his head. "Nooooooo!!"

Warhead's head launched and caught Thompson by the crotch. "I'll be back! You can't beat me!" Everyone looked up as Thompson flew off. "I am invinci…" The warhead blew up and everyone cheered except Reapermon. "What's up? You got something up your ass?" Reapermon turned to Copy X.

"I'm allergic to cheering." Just then, Jack Thompson drifted down to the ground. "Ha ha! I'm am back!" He pulled out a bazooka and aimed it at Mario. "Vengeance is a bitch…" Meanwhile, another battle was taking place…

"Dammit! I… can't reach it…"

"Um…"

"No! I'll do this alone!"

"Uh… Chief?"

"Leave me alone!"

'_Chief! They're trying to tell you…'_

"I can do this!"

'_Dammit, Chief! Get out of that Goddamn chair!'_

Master Chief currently had the chair strapped to his rear and, at the same time, trying to grab a cable that was just out of his reach from behind the TV. "I will do this…" Sam looked outside and started. "Dude, it's Thompson." Chief paused. "I get up… for no man…" He went back to the cable as Sam and Kelly exchanged looks. "Did you just quote Monty Python?"

In the real world, crimes caused video games were at an all time high. But no one cared 'cause the world was rid of its' worst asset to society. An angry mob of gamers had hunted down and burned his entire family to a crisp, then began playing violent video games in public. "This is the best! Nothing can go wrong now!"

Back in town square, the Pac-Family and Spot got back from their little vacation. "Well, that was fun." Spot nodded, then stopped. "Um, guys… When did this happen?" Everyone caught up and started. "What in the world is going on?"

"I am invincible!"

"We've heard!"

"Mamma mia! This guy's really off-a of his cuckoo."

"Welcome to the 'I'm Not An Idiot Anymore' Club!"

"Come-a over here and say that, you-a blue rodent!"

"Oh, you're gonna regret saying that… later…"

"Ha! Chicken!"

"You called?"

"Ah! Get away from me-a, you big chicken wannabe-a!"

"Shut up! I'm trying to watch Beethoven's 3rd in here!"

"You shut up! Our world's going to Hell!"

"You'll be going to Hell in a minute too, buddy!"

"I'm invincible!"

"We know!!"

"Believe in the power of Tao…"

"Tao can suck my…"

"Dick Cheney!"

"Um… Well, no… But…"

"No! Look! Dick Cheney!"

Everyone turned to Jack Thompson, who was dressed as Cheney. "I am invinci…" Reapermon roared with anger. "Say that again and you'll be shitting out dog biscuits for a year!" Everyone froze. "Am I missing something?" Pac-Man leaned over and spoke few words, but enough to get Spot to freeze.

"Ha! Your hounds will do nothing!" Just then, Sherlock Holmes walked in. "Did someone saw 'hounds'?" Jack smiled with glee. "Excellent, someone else who knows the evil of video games!" Holmes rose an eyebrow. "Evil? In video games? Oh, good heavens, no!" Jack raised an eyebrow. "What? Why do you think I'm so smart? Two words: Brain Age."

Holmes walks off and Jack growled. "I will succeed over the evil violent-doers!" In a secluded part of Video Game Village, the entire video game party, save Chief, had gathered around a large safe kept on the border between the two sides of town. "Why here?" Spot looked at the safe. "Is it 'cause he's good and evil?" Pac-Man shook his head. "We couldn't agree on which side to stick him, so we went half and half.

Warhead came to and sat up. "Wait… My head…" He turned to Greedy, who waved. "Remind me of this. I won't kill you next time." Greedy pulled a Fonzie and Warhead shook his head. "Never mind. I'll kill you. Let's see… 'Place thine hand upon thine stone and thine pimpitude shall be measured. Only those of great pimpitude will be permitted access?' Who wrote this? Pit?"

Pit looked around nervously before flying off. "I'll get him later." Warhead opened a panel and revealed five bars. There was a blue, green, yellow, red, and multi-colored one. "Alright, I am awesome!" Warhead slammed his hand down, but to didn't get anything. "Maybe it's broken?" Sonic put his hand on it and got four bars. "Argh! So close!"

Mario put his hand on it and got three bars. "Whooooa!" Mario made his dying noise and passed out. So, it continued for a while, but no one got more than four bars. "Chief! We need Chief!" In the apartment, Chief finally grabbed the cable and hooked it up. "Finally!" He sat down and changed the channel. "Chief! We need you!" Master Chief roared and stomped over to them, chair almost permanently attached to his ass.

"What?!" Sonic smirked. "Hand there please." Chief looked up and shrugged. "Fine." Chief placed a finger on the stone and the bars exploded. The door slowly opened and the greatest evil known to video games was released. Back in the real world, chaos and destruction ruled the streets. "Come on, Bubba! We're gonna play Real Streets of Rage!" Bubba looked up. "Sounds like fun!"

_Stage 1-1 Start!_

Bubba and his slightly skinnier counterpart, Hubba, began walking down the streets, beating random people up. "My name is George W. Bush, and I approved this message." Bubba beamed him in the head with a bat. "Like, I'm so hot right now…" Down went Paris Hilton. "I'm a great singer!" Hubba and Bubba exchanged looks, then laughed. "Oh, please! You committed career suicide on SNL. You're dead already!"

* * *

Next time: Jack Thompson meets his match. 


	9. Until Next Time

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

By: Metal Sonic EX

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

Chapter Nine

Until Next Time

"Okay, guys. You know the plan?" Everyone nodded. "Let's kick this wanker's ass!" Everyone cheered. "Uh… Reapermon?" Reapermon glared at Copy X. "Still allergic." Anyways, Jack Thompson was currently reviewing his list. "Let's see now…"

_My Kill List_

_Mario (Promoting Drug Use)_

_Pac-Man (Popping Pills)_

_Zelda (Crossdressing)_

_Alex Kidd (Cruelty To Animals)_

_Leon S. Kennedy (Impersonating An Officer)_

_Ashlee Simpson (Sucking As A 'Singer')_

_Sora (Promoting Racism)_

_Lara Croft (Not Returning My Phone Calls)_

_The Tetris Blocks (Planning A Communist Take Over Of America)_

_The Wii (Promoting Penis-Shaped Electronics)_

_The Violent-Doers_

"Excellent! I'll start with the obvious one. Come here, little Italian man. I've got pizza…" Mario poked his head out of the sewer and Thompson spun around. "Aha!" Mario ducked just as Jack fired, then Sonic appeared in a window. Jack fired and missed Sonic as Pac-Man ran down the street. Jack missed again and he growled.

"Why you…" Just then, the Duck Hunt dog popped its' head up and laughed at him before vanishing. "New journal entry. Execute OPERATION Canine Genocide." Three more people appeared and Thompson missed them all. Again, the Duck Hunt dog appeared. Jack growled and aimed at the dog just as it ducked.

"What the hell?!" Pac-Man looked to Spot. "What?" Spot growled. "This fic didn't revolve around me! What the hell!!" Pac-Man raised an eyebrow. "So?" Spot crossed his arms. "The first one was classic. It had a plot, a bad guy, and good guy, and still had lots of humor. This is just a broken down version of the original."

Just then, MSX walked up. "That was the idea. This was inspired by _In Ideal Roles_, a joint fic I have with Naoto Aeron or whatever the hell his name is now. Anyways, this was supposed to have a little less humor and a bunch more random crap. Like Thompson for instance. I actually regret not having him by the antagonist of the first fic."

Spot looked up at MSX. "So, basically, a crappy spin-off that will barely spread the news of the original?" MSX nodded. 'Basically." A gunshot was head in the distance. "Goddamn dog!" MSX chuckled. "As Screw Attack said, Jack's only the number two douchebag in gaming. He can't beat number one."

Elsewhere, Hubba and Bubba made it to the last level. "What you doin', foo?" Tom Cruise turned around. "Using the power of Scientology or whatever I called it, I am making a time machine and will make the entire planet go bad to the good old days. The ones where bad eating habits didn't cause cancer, but gamers did."

Hubba raised an eyebrow. "Does eating bad cause cancer?" Bubba shrugged. "I dunno. But we can't let him get away with this! Kick ass time. To. Kick ass. Time. Ass. Kick to. Time." Bubba smacked Hubba. "Dude, shut the fuck up."

Back in the village, Jack Thompson reached his limit. "I'm getting peeved!" The Duck Hunt dog appeared again and began laughing. "Argh!" The baddies watched as the Duck Hunt dog did its' thing. "So, what now?" Herman smirked, then ran off.

"Stupid dog! Show yourself." The dog appeared and laughed, then Herman appeared and also laughed. "What?! The dog has committed bestiality with itself and has spawned the bastard child of nature?!" The dog and Herman stopped and exchanged confused looks. They shrugged, then went back to laughed. "Suddenly, the entire area around Jack turned into a Whack-A-Mole set. "No… No… Nooooooo!!"

A bouncy beat started playing and badgers began popping out of random holes in tune to the song. Thompson aimed the gun and began firing. And missing. "Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Fuckfarts!! Fuckfarts!! Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Fuckfarts!! Fuckfarts!!"

He paused briefly to reload. "Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Ack! Games! Games! I hate those games! Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Fuckfarts!! Fuckfarts!!"

MSX walked up and simply watched the events unfold. "Tell me this isn't worth an M rating." Elsewhere, Hubba and Bubba defeated Tom Cruise and destroyed the tie machine. "Excellent!" They went to high-five, but began shaking violently before turning into Jack Thompson. "This Matrix plan was a brilliant idea." Jack turned to Jack and smirked. "Yes. Very. The original is experiencing difficulty. We must assist." Jack nodded. "Yes. We must."

Back in the village, everyone was now laughing at Thompson. "Why you…" Jack began twitching rapidly before his head exploded. When the dust cleared, everyone's jaws dropped. An entire army of Jack Thompsons stood before them. "Great. One down, just a 'We're fucked' left to go.

Next time: It's Video Games Vs. Thompson Army. Who will win?


	10. Next Time

Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

By: Metal Sonic EX

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

* * *

Chapter Ten

Next Time

* * *

"This is not good…" Warhead backhanded Greedy. "What tipped ya off?! Was it the army of Agent Smith Thompsons or was it the fact the Duck Hunt dog's sleeping?" Greedy raised his eyebrow. "His name's Smith Thompson?" Warhead roared and began strangling him.

"I sense violence…" All of the Thompsons twitched in unison and Warhead stopped. "You can't die, right?" Greedy raised an eyebrow. "Why do you ask…" Warhead threw Greedy on to the ground. "Hey, guys! Let's kick some ass!"

Warhead began kicked Greedy in the side and the Thompsons twitched. "We must stop the violent-doers." They began advancing as Sora used Fire on Greedy. "OhmyGodI'monfire!!" Greedy began rolling around as the Thompson clones twitched again. "Oh no…"

Everyone turned to Reapermon, who was sharpening his scythe. "What?" Everyone shrugged as Reapermon walked up. "Time to die!" The Thompson clones lunged forward as everyone began beating the shit out of each other. This caused the Thompson clones to have one, synchronized spasm.

Meanwhile, Tifa and Cloud were _still_ oblivious. "Think Sephiroth got him yet?" Tifa shrugged. "What do you think?" Cloud shrugged. "Yeah, thought so." Just then, several Thompson clones kicked in the door. Tifa flipped over the couch and jumped to her feet. "Halt, violent-doers!" Tifa raised an eyebrow. "Ugly. More than one of 'em. Commanding. Interrupting Dick Van Dyke? Have you heard of 'Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn…"

Elsewhere, everyone stopped kicked Greedy, who was in a full-body cast full-body cast. "Foolish games. By creating violence, you've made us much stronger." Warhead growled. "Dammit!" Just then, several Thompson clones, all without their heads, fell before them and Tifa walked up, fire in her eyes and Sephiroth's sword in her hand. "How do you have…" Tifa stopped and glared at Warhead. "He's got a spare."

Tifa walked up and faced the Thompson clones. "I couldn't give a damn if you kill everyone in this village but me, but you will _never, __**ever**_ interrupt Dick Van Dyke…" Tifa gave forth a war cry and lunged forward. "Run away. Run away quickly." The Thompsons began running away in a very slow and retarded way as Master Chief flew in front of them in a jetpack chair. "And now you know!"

Master Chief raised the Missile Pod and began firing missiles into the crowd. "Die, Thompson! Your bullshit isn't thick enough to stop my pimpitude!!" The Thompsons stopped and began to fly off. "Kill them!" Sonic became Super Sonic and flew after them. "Down we go!"

He Chaos Controlled the Thompsons to the ground where Tifa and Master Chief continued picking them off like flies. "Quickly! To my house!" After everyone had filled up every possible square inch of Master Chief's house, he pushed the remote button and obliterated Video Game Village. _Holy fucking shit! You're not human!_

The world flipped over, revealing the original Video Game Village. "Chief, why didn't you do that to start with?" Master Chief scoffed. "Do you honestly expect me to stop Dick Van Dyke just to stop an asshole from the real world bent on destroying video games as we know it?"

"YES!!" Master Chief flinched. "Alrighty then. I'll remember that." Everyone exited and looked outside. "Wow. I get the feeling that this happened… before…" Everyone slowly turned to Master Chief. "Oh shit… Jetpack chair… Away!!" Master Chief flew off and everyone grumbled. "Wait! The Duck Hunt dog's gone!" Everyone gasped, then high-fived each other. "Yes!!"

* * *

-Epilogue-

Spot still fumed that this fic didn't revolve around him, but it wore off. Sonic, Shadow, and Silver came to a stalemate and Rouge finally moved onto a new series of movies. A Nightmare On Elm Street. The baddies continue to build their forces, thus haven't been seen in a while. The surviving Thompson clones were sent to the real world, recycled, and turned into toilets for all the little children to piddle on him. I mean it. I mean… Screw it…

Video gamers worldwide celebrated and, in a span of five years, gained control of every major industry. Shigeru Miyamoto was elected president and now, Nintendo truly rules the world. All the companies put aside their differences and formed The Council Of Gaming. It kicks ass.

Their first game, released on the Otama Gamesphere, _The Legends of Gaming_, is considered to be the greatest game of all time. As for that poor pathetic person who continues even now to write fanfics… Well, he'll probably keep writing them even after he's dead. He really needs a life.

The End

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Again

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I'd like to thank Naoto Aeron (or whatever your name is now), Kinetikai, RandyPandy, and the author of _Sonic Vs. Mario: Obsessions and Vengeances_, for getting me into fic writing. So, for now, Read and Review and, in the words of the Governator, I'll be back! 


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